This is my first story so bare with me and comment on what things would help me with my writing. My cousin Sara is 5'4" and she is a very beautiful women. She has a perfect set of tits 36D but my favorite thing about her is her very firm ass.

It was about mid July and Sara wanted to have a get together at her place. When I arrived t was about 12:30 and Sara asked me if i would come cook some hot dogs. When I arrived Sara met me at the door. As Sara invited me in I asked her where everybody was. She said they would be here at 2. As I headed to the backyard Sara asked me to help her get something from the top shelf of her cabinet. As I walked to help her she was standing on the step ladder. As I stood there looking at Sara struggle I noticed that she had one of her breast out. I told her to get down before she falls. I walked over to help her down when she notice he breast had fell out. She laughed and then asked me if I noticed. I lied and said no. I got the dish she needed out of the cabinet and headed to the backyard. I started to grill the hot dogs. It was 1:30 and people started to arrive. A couple of my friend showed up and we all grabbed a beer and stood around the grill. My friend Larry and Brett started to talk about the baseball game. As I finished grilling Sara told everybody food was ready. After we all ate us guys decided to make a fire. It was about 12 when everybody started to head home. I stayed to help Sara clean up. I finished cleaning up and Sara told me thanks. Sara told me it was okay if I stayed cause I drank to much to drive home. I told her thanks and she went and grabbed a pillow and blanket but what surprised me was the fact that she had changed into a night gown. I could tell she had no bra on. She sat next to me and asked me if i wanted to watch a movie. I said sure, she got up to get a movie when she bent over to put the movie in the DVD player when I looked at her I could see she had no panties on. As she came back and sat down she sat there and grab my thigh. I looked at her and she leaned up and kissed me. I was so surprised by it. Then she came back up to kiss me and i kissed back. I still to this day don't know why i did it. As we sat there kissing i started to grab her night gown and pull it down. As it went down passed her breast I started to grab her nipples between my thumb and index finger. She then stood up and let her night gown hit the floor. I looked at her beautiful body from head to toe. She had a perfectly shaved pubic area. She then bent down in front of me and started to unbutton my shorts. She finally got my short off and grab my boxers and pulled them down. When she did that my dick was so hard. She took my dick in her mouth and started to go up and down with her mouth. She looked at me with my dick still in her mouth. I then grabbed her and pulled her up to me and laid her on the couch. I pulled her to the edge of the couch and started to eat her out. She started to grab my hair and hold my head there. She then pulled me up to her and kissed me. I started to put my dick in her very soaked pussy. I moved my dick up and down her lips then slowly started to insert my dick. As I inserted my dick she let out a small moan and started to bite her lower lips. I started to fuck her hard and I grabbed her breast and started to suck on her nipples. By then she told me to sit on the couch. She got on top of me and started to go down on my dick. As I sat there her breast were right at my mouth and I began sucking her nipples again. I could tell she was enjoying herself. As I felt the urge to come she got off of me and began to suck my dick. I grabbed her by her hair and held her head there as I began coming. She looked at me and was still sucking me dry. As I began to get soft she looked at me and said I love you. I told her I love you to. When then sat on the couch and fell asleep in each others arms. when i woke up I noticed Sara had left me a note. The note read "thanks for last night it was really nice. I made you some pancakes they are in the microwave. Love you, Sara". As I got up and got dressed. I ate the pancakes Sara made and headed home. I was still in shock about what we did last night. Sara sent me a text and it asked me what I was doing later that week. I text her back and said nothing that i know of. She asked if i wanted to go out for dinner. I hesitated but said yes.

TO BE CONTINUED.........

 

Alright, I'm going to try and be nice about this. I really did like what I could read, but I had to stop. It is nothing but a Wall-O-Text. I'm not trying to be a grammar nazi here, it's just tough to read like this.

Since you asked, I will give my opinion.

Break up the text, make paragraphs, scene changes, and conversation breaks.

Have some dialog! Instead of just saying what she told you, put in some talking. "Would you cook some hot dogs?"she asked. "They will be here at 2" she replied, "Oh my God!" she laughed, "You didn't notice that did you?" (not even sure my punctuation is correct, I'm a little drunk, but you get the idea.)

Punctuation, capitalization, spelling. Are they needed for someone to rub one out to a story? No. But are you wanting some random person to stroke to your tale, or do you really want to write a story that all will enjoy? It's up to you. Like I said, I saw some good things, but it was too hard to read.

Listen, or tell me to sod off. Doesn't matter to me. Either way good luck!

 

I would tend to agree with uncle b. I thought the story of was alright but it was hard to read so I stopped before the end.